wired monkey

photo by Krissy

Last night, Lucy fell asleep in my arms. I sat with her on the couch, sunken into the pillows, in the dark. The boys were off in one of the rooms, playing the games that little boys play. It was just Lucy and me, one of those quiet moments that I long for. As I sat there in the dark, listening to my music, I had one of those dad moments that can’t be easily explained. All I could think of was that I love holding her. I think of when she might not want me to hold her, and it almost, almost makes my eyes water up. I think of how fast the boys are growing up and how much harder it is to stop them for a second just to give them a hug.

I came across John Lennon’s “Beautiful Boy” as I was scrolling through my mp3s. It was a favorite song of mine to sing to Josiah when he was a baby. I love the words and how much assurance they have. I sang it quietly to Lucy, hopeful that she could feel that assurance in my arms.

Has it been a year? There have been years of my life that I could easily forget, but not this one, and not you. I love that everything is new to you, and how proud you are when you accomplish them. I love how you know your people, and how much fun you have bouncing around the bed with your big brothers, even though I’m terrified that they might hurt you somehow. I love how you let me hold you and even sometimes even fall asleep in my arms, even though right now momma is the preferred comfort giver. I love how you were immediately poppa’s girl. I think you already know the power you have over me, and if you don’t, I’m afraid I wont be able to hide it from you for much longer. I love you baby girl. Happy Birthday!